My lack of posts over the past couple of months should be an indication of how my life is going, although not quite where my life is going.
Work is beginning to consume my life, to the point that I’m beginning to miss the odd dance class and the odd appointment. This is going to come to an end though, as I’m going to start forcing myself into a routine of leaving at 5:00 on the dot. Most of the people in the office leave at 4:30…
Leaving work late every night is not conducive to creating a happier, healthier me; which is why I left Evil Corp. to begin with.
Dancing has become a bit of a chore, but I do think that this is due to the fact that I’m over-tired by Wednesday evening and really just want to head home. I actually had a small emotional breakdown last week at dancing and ended up leaving half way through. It (“it” being my life) all just became a bit too much and as a result I just felt completely overwhelmed while trying to learn a new, but basic, step to finish off the dance that we are learning. Anyways, this week there isn’t a class as the school holidays have kicked in so I will get a chance to leave early (or rather on time) and head home to relax for the evening.
“Home” is a stressful environment at this point, and actually has been since my grandfather moved in with us. He has, however, decided to move out again. I think that my mother’s constant misery has finally gotten to him. He’s moving back to the Eastern Cape, although where exactly I am not sure. My mother drilled him on it on Sunday morning, but I don’t know what the outcome of that conversation was as I opted to avoid any inevitable conflict and go shower.
My mother is another story altogether. She and I went to Gateway a couple of weeks (or three, I’m not sure) back and, as always, ended up having an argument about her stupid boyfriend. He really is the human equivalent of Septicemia… Septicemia is a revolting bacterium that spreads throughout your body and destroys your life. He has done nothing but destroy our lives since he came into them. I take heart in the fact that “the wheel turns”. Anyways, back to my original story… we had an argument and as a result both ended up in tears in Gateway when she literally tossed at me the fact that she has had a heart-attack because she is stressed. Actually, she had a heart-attack because her blood pressure and her cholesterol are through the roof, but she won’t do anything about them. Look, she is on medication for both, but quite frankly, unless she changes her eating habits and gets some exercise in her life she’s not going to get any better and, as a result, another heart-attack will definitely be on the cards. What grates me to the bone is that she didn’t tell me when it happened, but instead waited until we were arguing to throw it in my face. I can’t tell you the level of anger I feel towards her and have felt towards her since that day.
This has all motivated me to begin sorting out my life. I’m saving now… hard. I want to move out and the only way I’m going to do that is if I get my finances under control and save for the furniture and appliances I’m going to need when I move, as well as the first month of double rent.
Anyways, enough about my mother…
Jason… Well, I’ve put him and whatever could have happened between us on hold for now. Not indefinitely, just for now. I think that at this point in my life trying to start anything with anyone would be a disaster. I’m not in a happy place and I can’t rely on someone else to be my happiness for me, so I need to find my “inner zen” before I can begin a new relationship. Moving out will help with that. As a result of that though, I cancelled our weekend away. I am sad about that, but everything happens for a reason and I guess that this is just one of those things that needed to happen, even though it’s not the best thing to have done.
That’s my life in a nutshell at this point. I’m also doing the odd bit of beading and making the odd pieces of jewellery, but I’ve not really gotten much further with it than that.
And that’s me for now…